Voldemort: Knock knock!
Harry: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know...
Harry: You know who?
Harry: I see what you did there.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I blurted out as he was slipping on his jeans. My voice, hoarse and no louder than a whisper, caused him to turn and face me.
“What?” Colby questioned, smiling, his body perched at the end of the bed.
He hadn’t heard me. I cleared my throat, standing up from the mattress; the floor was freezing against my bare feet and I cringed.
“I don’t think we should do this anymore,” I repeated, loud enough for him to hear me clearly. Colby’s face fell immediately, and then returned to a smile.
“What do you mean?” He replied, still on the bed, his body turned towards me, only one leg in his pants. Either he didn’t understand or he was too dense to believe my words— and I had learned enough about him in these past six months to know he was anything but stupid. I put my hands to my forehead, already regretting saying anything.
“I mean, I think we should stop seeing each other.”
He looked at me incredulously, saying nothing. Suddenly, he slid his other leg into his jeans, his long fingers glossing over the zipper and securing the button, before standing up, too. Although he was still several paces away from me, his lean body towered over my petite frame and I fought an equal urge to jump him and back away from him. Our bodies were parallel to each other, my back facing the door and the only exit from his bedroom.
“What brought this on, Ave?” He asked, using his nickname for me, and making me internally grimace. He was clearly concerned and utterly confused, his mind doing the logical thing as he attempted to find the source of my doubt.
“I don’t know,” I answered tensely, my voice getting caught in my throat. I was suddenly scared to voice my opinion, something he would cheekily say I never had a problem with before this moment.
“You thought about this before, haven’t you? You wouldn’t just bring it up now, without any causation,” he stated as if he knew it were true and did not need any response from me. I didn’t respond and my silence seemed to only confirm his questioning, for he moved closer to me and the door, as if trying to stop me from leaving.
“Am I that easy to let go?” He asked, taking a delicate step towards me. I tried to process his question before I respond. How could he accuse me of being the bad guy; like I wasn’t just his fuck and run, probably one of many? I had to put a stop to these weekly meet-ups for my own sanity.
“What? Come on, you know this didn’t mean anything!” I spat angrily.
“It didn’t?” He asked, and my answer was cut short. He was looking at me, and I mean really looking at me and I knew my response would be the determining factor for the rest of our conversation, and possibly for the rest of our relationship.
“Of course not. This is just sex, remember?”
He takes a step back, as if I have just struck him physically.
“Do you believe that?” He’s serious, I wonder what it’s going to take for him to let me go.
“You said it yourself, Colby.”
“That might have been true in the beginning. But it sure as hell isn’t true for me now.”
“I didn’t sign up for that,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“So you’re just going to walk away?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“What do you want to do, Ave?”
“I don’t know! What I want is not important.”
“How could you say that? You’re so important, love. Just tell me what you want because I don’t know where this is coming from. Why are you really trying to get out?”
“You can’t just do that!”
“Call me ‘Ave’ and ‘love’ and you can’t be nice to me just so I’ll stay. It’s not fair.”
“You’re not being honest with me. Honestly, you’re not telling me anything. How else am I supposed to know what’s going on?”
“You’re making this so difficult! Just say goodbye and let me leave.”
“I’d hope you would put shoes on first.”
“God damnit, Colby. This isn’t funny!” I yelled in frustration, tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I blinked them back rapidly, grabbing my bag from the floor. My shoes were discarded as soon as I came inside last night, so I turned on my heels quickly, moving away from Colby and closer to the bedroom door. As my hand wrapped around the doorknob, ready to pull it open, another hand pressed against the door, halting my attempt to leave.
“Avery, you can’t just leave now.”
“I could if you would get your hand off the door.”
“Fine,” he said, moving his hand from the wood surface, but before I could pull open the door, Colby’s hands had secured around my waist and had turned me around to face him, my back slamming into the door’s surface.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting answers,” he replied simply, his face dangerously close to mine. I could faintly smell his cologne from last night and practically taste his mint toothpaste.
“Why are you doing this, Avery? Huh? Why are you ruining something perfect?”
“Are you kidding me, Colby? What is perfect about this?” I question, motioning between the two of us. We’re so close my hand ends up beating against his bare chest and I pull back as far I am able.
“This,” I say again, “consists of me coming over to your apartment whenever you call me, only to end up fucking in your bedroom and sneaking out the next morning. That’s what you offered in the beginning. So that’s what I’m doing. Only next week you can call on one of your other girls.”
I was ready to pull away; I knew I had shocked him with my words, and I was ready to cease the opportunity and slam the door in his face, but one look up at him and I stopped short. For the first time in during our conversation, Colby looked hurt. Before I could say anything else, before I could take back my words, Colby used his fingers, which were still resting on my hips, to pull me off the door and collide into his body.
“You think I have someone else? Ave, is that what this is about?” Colby tried to brush my hair out of my eyes and behind my ear, but I pushed his hand away. It was all I could do because I could feel the heat radiating off his body and the swell of my breasts was firm against his chest.
“Colby, don’t,” I warned him as he tried to touch me again and he only chuckled.
“No, you don’t, Ave. I know exactly what you’re doing. And I hope you realize you’re being absolutely delirious. I might have had other girls I could call on in the past, but I haven’t rang anyone else up since I started having you over. I would have told you that earlier, but I didn’t know you would get jealous.”
My fist collided with his chest, and I abruptly opened the bedroom door, marching across the living room to grab my shoes, as I protested.
“I am not jealous,” I replied, slipping on my left shoe, my back turned to Colby. I heard him follow me out of the bedroom and knew he was behind me. I managed to tie my shoe while balancing on my right leg, and grabbed the other off the floor, pulling it on as fast as I could without falling over.
“I’m not the type of person to get jealous and honestly, Colby, I don’t have any reason to be. I’m just done, alright? I’m done sneaking around late at night, I’m done being late to work, I’m done not being interested in other guys,” I say, rambling on as I struggle to tie my shoe.
“And I’m done worrying about you,” I huff, placing both of my feet on the ground.
I turn around expecting to see Colby angry with me, but instead he looks pleased and I probably looked pissed off. He doesn’t say anything and I think this is the end so I unbolt the front door and search through my bag for my car keys.
“It’s fine if you don’t have anything to say, but at least give me your phone so I can erase my number.” I don’t turn around to face him, only hold out my hand for his cell.
“It’s no use,” Colby says, and I move to grab his phone from his pocket. He stops my hand and it falls to my side as I wait for an explanation.
“It’s no use to erase your number because I have it memorized.”
“Whatever, Colby. Just don’t call me next week, alright?” I’m ready to walk out the door, but three words stop me.
“I love you.”
My body freezes and I face Colby once more, shaken and taken aback.
“What? Did you hear anything I just said?”
“I heard you, but it’s not important. I love you, Ave. Did you hear me?”
I panic, sliding out of his reach, my hand on the door handle, ready to run out into the hall, down the stairs, and across the street to my car. Colby stops me again from leaving him, bolting the lock, but my hand stays on the handle.
I know Colby is right behind me; I know he’s close enough to touch me but far enough away so I can’t feel him. And it’s killing me because I refuse to look at him again, I can’t look him in the eye because then I’ll know he’s serious and I’ll want to him to move his body closer and touch me and kiss me. But I can’t allow that to happen; that’s not what I wanted to hear when I told Colby this wasn’t working. I wanted to walk away and blissfully ignore my feelings for him. That was the easiest thing to do, right? Tell yourself you don’t feel anything and move on with your life.
“I love you,” Colby whispers, his breath on my neck, one hand sweeping my hair off my shoulder, the other enveloping my hand still attached to the door.
“No, you don’t,” I whisper back, praying he’ll suddenly walk away so I can walk out the door.
“Babe, let go,” he pleads, his fingers gliding across my wrist and down my arm. Both of his hands now encircle my waist and I feel like I’m drowning in him.
“Let me leave, please,” I beg, not letting go of my only exit.
“I want you to say.”
“We don’t always get what we want, Colby.”
He lets go of me finally, and unlocks the front door. I’m slightly shocked, but ready to leave, when Colby speaks up.
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me. If you can do that, I will let you walk out this door and never come after you again.”
I sigh and look straight at him.
“I don’t have feelings—”
And suddenly Colby’s kissing me. His lips are soft and warm against mine, tasting me. His hands pull me closer until we’re chest to chest and his fingers tangle in my hair, keeping me with him. I kiss him just as fiercely, but for different reasons. I wrap my arms around his toned back, still without a shirt and feel the heat of his skin radiating onto my body. His tongue explores my mouth, tasting of mint and strawberry favored gum. He’s dominating me and I don’t mind, allowing the kiss to last for several minutes. When we pull away, I can’t breathe, and Colby places hot pecks to my lips, not wanting the kiss to end.
I smile up at him, slowly, pulling myself from him, both our arms dropping down to our sides. Colby doesn’t realize letting go of me right in that moment was his biggest mistake. I take a step back, away from him and towards the door. His smile falters, but soon it returns to its upwards state. I know he’s not stupid and, unlike this morning, he knows what’s coming.
I take another step back, and he doesn’t follow me.
“I’m so sorry, Colby,” I whisper, and I close the door behind me.